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Is this a joke?"

"Excuse me is this a joke?" Or so says Nigel in This Is Spinal Tap when David's girlfriend thinks the band members should wear a costume fashioned after each individual's zodiac sign (I wish one of the characters was a libra--what would that costume look like?).

Why does this quote come to mind? Click here and see for yourself. Or as John McEnroe once said in a fit of rage, "You cannot be serious!!!"

Child of the Corn

Last weekend Emily and I went to our farm co-op in rural Wisconsin. It's was really cool to see the actual source of all the food we get once a week. Plus I never knew what a broccoli plant looked like, but that's for Emily to blog about.

Anyway, we spent about half the day there, and the lady that runs the farm put us to work, as you can see below. We gathered all our own corn, shucked it, and cooked. We also had to wash our own dishes. It was a true co-op. We had a great time.


You may not be able to tell that I am hauling a wheelbarrow full of corn.

Another tidbit we learned is you can eat the sweet corn raw, straight off the stalk. It was damn good, but even better when cooked. You'd think I'd know this already, seeing as how I spent four years running cross country and track for a college in Iowa. Indeed, I probably ran past 1,000,000 corn stalks in that time. But that was all seed corn. Big hard chunks of seed. Eating a central Iowa corn cob raw would be like eating a molar cob. Not so with sweet corn. It was so sweet and rich, that it tasted pre-buttered.

So after a weekend of eating organic vegetables and free-range beef, I need to counteract all that. What better way than by going to the State Fair for the last two nights! Since we've gone at night, there's not much to do but watch bands, go to the midway, and eat. Most of the exhibits are closed at night.

The first night I had a beer, mini donuts, sausage-on-a-stick (wrapped in bread), and pork chop-on-a-stick for dinner. Last night it was part of Emily's turkey tenderloin on-a-stick, most of her beer, lemonade, and a very mediocre chicken fajita. Take that healthy, organic eating!

By the way, the new food-on-a-sticks that are getting all the buzz is key lime pie on-a-stick and deep fried Twinkie on-a-stick. And the most controversial is the fan the Republican party is handing out: Lies Told by the DFL On-A-Stick. For you non-Minnesotans, DFL is the Democrats (Democratic Farm-Labor party to be exact). The college Republicans were standing in front of th DFL booth, handing the fans out. Classy. Partisan politics is getting very ugly in Minnesota.

For more on the State Fair, including Emily's family competing in the fair, click here.

Zantastic!!!!

My most excellent friends Zander and Julie were in the Twin Cities for about a week. I had such a great time seeing them. It felt as if they had never been gone, the way we were able to pick up where we left off when they moved to Japan a year ago.

The good news is they'll be moving back to Minnesota next summer. Another piece of good news is Zander's good friend Shad and I got back in touch. Another friend (a secretive microchip engineer who goes by the alias "Mick Golden") and I have finally set an attainable goal. We intend to contact Shad so we can all hang out together within the next two weeks.

But we'll see. I invited Shad and his wife to go to the State Fair with us, but they were so fucking indifferent to the proposition that I'm calling off what was a burgeoning friendship. Rot in hell you Fair Haters!!!

But, as per usual, I digress. It was cool to see Zander and "Beautiful" Julie again. Rather than marinate this blog with a bunch of inside jokes (except for an obligatory mention of the Seven Dwarves), I will direct to you to Shad's mobile phone blog. Click here to scroll through his "moblog" and you will come across pictures of Zander and BJ's visit. This includes some pictures of me (and Emily) wearing the gifts Zander and BJ generously gave us (all I gave them was a new nickname for Julie). I also put Shad's two moblogs on the permanent links section in Blognation. Stuck in traffic is a pretty cool idea, I must say.

Maybe Shad's next moblog will be "I HATE THE FAIR," which will just be a bunch of pictures of him giving the finger to fairgoers.

Emily has figured out how we can post our own photos as well. So I hope to add that to my blog soon, starting with some other pics of me, Em, Zander, and BJ.

Grungy Old men

Today when I was running around Lake Calhoun, I ran by an old man who was walking in the other direction. Lake Calhoun is populated moslty with 20somethings: a bunch of musclebound meat heads who threaten my masculinty and rollerblading ex-sorority girls wearing make-up.

Before you accuse me of being a lake bigot, and tell me how it's not cool to stereotype lakes or girls that exercise in make-up, hear me out. There are easily thousands of people a day that go around Calhoun that are exceptions to this rule. And this includes myself and this old guy that I was coming across.


image from http://www.phototour.minneapolis.mn.us/

Anyway, old guys on the lake always catch my eye beause I think it's inspiring to see them still exercising and because they are one of the few men on Lake Calhoun who don't make me look like, well, candyass British royalty.

But what was notable about this guy is he was wearing a Speedo. A real snug one too, I might add. Just walking along with nothing on but his glasses, sandals, and Speedo. I'm not sure if he was who the lasses had in mind when they put their lipstick and rollerblades on this morning, but he certainly caught my attention.

So this brings me to my point in all this. For years, I have been looking forward to, and not dreading, getting old. I'm sure the rest of my 30s, 40s, and ensuing mid-life crisis will be a grand time. Parenthood will shake the foundations of my identity and have some profound maturing and nurturing effect on me.

But that's all the appetizer. I can't wait to be an old fart. If I want to wear my Speedo in public, who's to stop me? I'm an old man! If I want to shout nonsense like "ball five!" at random, who will disagree with me? People will have to respect every action I do, no matter how ludricous it is.

The downside to all this is the dying part. So I need to stay healthy to really maximize those golden years. That's why you'll see me at the YWCA tomorrow working out and then eating a salad for dinner. Between now and then, I'll be fine-tuning my old man skills. Anyone up for whiskey sours for breakfast?

BALL FIVE!!!

Seventeen Shopping Days Until Labor Day

And I still haven't submitted my gift list to the world. So, to the Labor Day Genie, I submit my three wishes:

1. From Wonderfullywacky.com, the Beer Belt.



Image from http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/beerbelt.htm

2. To help me support the troops, our friends at Atlantic Toys are selling Special Ops 'Sniper' Stanley!!! I can't wait to take this guy to work, so the kids and I can play with this bad motherfucker!!!!

Image from http://atlantictoys.safeshopper.com/676/2732.htm?660

3. And how cool would it be to have Mr. T, I mean Sergeant First Class Bosco Barracus team up with 'Sniper' Stanley to kick some Persian Gulf ass?!?!


Image from http://www.dollsandtoysaustralia.com/ateam.html

Sure, the A-Team was famous for its poor marksmanship (remember all that semi-automatic weaponfire that landed at the bad guys' feet?). But 'Sniper' Stanley can more than cover for B.A. Barracus' poor shooting. And then B.A. can go in and put some Bad Attitude hurt on the Iraqis via hand-to-hand combat! Afterwards he can do a sales pitch for 1-800-CALL-ATT.

Imagine: me with a case of Old Milwaukee strapped around my waist, on the banks of Lake Harriet, storming a homespun sand castle with Mr. T and 'Sniper' Stanley. This is going to the the best Labor Day ever, if the LD Genie comes through for me!!!

Damn, I can't think of a better way to support our troops. Well, except for taking action with BringThem Home Now's webpage. A guy who goes by the pseudonym "Mick Golden" sent me the link today and I just heard about this group on the radio last night. The Pentagon spokesperson kind of blew it off as a tiny minority and rambled on about The War On Terror, which somehow includes Iraq. Ugh.

Jackasking A Question

Last night Emily and I went to the lovely suburb of Spring Lake Park, which is a good 25 minute drive from our house. Once there, we had grilled pizza, which, according to Emily, is a new grilling fad. But if you haven't had it yet, I highly recommend trying it out next time you want to grill, but are sick of burgers and brats. To learn more about grilled pizza, click here.

Our friend Rachel was also there and we talked a little bit about her experience at Carlos O'Kelly's with her fiance Gabe. Take the time to read Gabe's blog about his experience at Carlos O'Kelly's by clicking here.

So as Emily and I were drving home, we passed a billboard for Perkins. This made me think two things. First, I wondered why Perkins doesn't have an apostrophe in its name (McDonald's for example, does have an apostrophe). I am considering referring to their name to the Apostrophe Protection Society to see what they think. It's a snooty British site to use if you want to post apostrophe abuse (like the one pictured below).

Picture from "http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/examples_4.htm"


The second thing I thought was "Damn, there are a lot of shitty restaurants in the world." This includes chains like Carlos O'Kelly's and Perkins and holes in the wall like Wok and Roll (which Emily and I used to live next to) and a terrible sandwich shop I once went to in Dubuque, Iowa. But I am sure someone out there says, "Man I love those soggy subs from Dubuque's Shittiest Sub Shop! And someone out there, as you read this, is jonesing for a Perkins taco salad. I can hear them say "It's crazy! You can eat the bowl!"

So then I wondered, out of all restaurants and chains that are out there, what percentage of them can be classified by at least one person as his or her favorite restaurant? I should ammend that question to say, at least in his/her top five (it's hard to just settle on one restaurant, I think). I'd say the number is pretty high, maybe above 50%.

Then when we got home, we watched Sleepless In Seattle, a very mediocre movie. We have Netflix, which makes it very easy to rent movies that you only kind of want to see (as evidenced by this most recent rental). It's nice not to have worry about mediocrity when you watch a movie.

Anyway, the movie is easily forgotten, yet a nagging thought lingers in my mind... "My horse! My horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

Oh wait, wrong thought. I am sure there is a small town's worth of people out there who love Sleepless In Seattle enough to dub it their favorite movie or put it in their top five. Like restaurants, there are a lot of shitty movies, and yet I bet a high majority stand as someone's favorite. So I am left to wonder, which is the higher number: the percentage of restaurants that make at least one person's top five OR the percentage of movies?

Any ideas?

You Gotta Fight For Your Right...

TO PARTY!!!!!!! Click here to see for yourself. You can't blame the guy for trying. For you non-Texans, Fiesta is a weeklong celebration of Texas independence in March. Consider it a PG-13 Mardi Gras.

Haven't had your fill of Texas oddities? Check this one out: Texas passed a law requiring kids to start the school day off by pledging allegiance to the flag. I know what you're saying, "This is a tired old debate." But the difference here is we're talking about pledging allegiance to the Texas flag. I strongly recommend clicking here to read more. This frivilous law is so easy to ridicule. But I am somewhat ashamed to admit my initial, primal reaction is to think it's cool. I guess that Texas pride in me dies hard. Plus it's like one-tenth as long as the federal pledge to Old Glory.

My principal in elementary school had us sing "Texas Our Texas," the state anthem at the start of every school day (to view the lyrics, click here). It wasn't until I went to college in Iowa that I found out that a) this was weird and b) most people don't even know the name state anthem, much less the lyrics. But until today, I never knew Texas had its own Pledge of Allegiance.

image from "http://www.underthings.com/underthings/mus46_lone_star_surf_short.html"

So gentlemen, please removes your hats, and everyone place your right hand over your heart, and look at the flag on your screen and read the italicized pledge.
"Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one and indivisible.".

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I try my best to avoid Bill Cosbyesque cute kids stories. Maybe kids do say the darndest things. But when they don't have age-appropriate expressive language skills, they say the most confusing things. For example, the first kid I saw at work today is four years old. He's sitting at the table and I sit down and ask him how he's doing. He responds with a question of his own.

First thing out of his mouth is "Do Mike live in a sausage?" Before I can even try find the context for his question, I need to do my job: teach him age-appropriate grammar. First I make him ask me if I live in a sausage, but with the correct form of "do." Leaving no stone unturned, I make him ask me again, only this time with the pronoun "you." This takes some time because the kid is really shaky with all the forms of "do," so now he's asking me "Does you live in a sausage?"

The net effect of all this is, once we have ironed out all of his grammar errors, he has now asked me if I live in a sausage seven times (in one form or another). I probe a bit, making sure sausage is the word he means to use. I confirm that by "sausage" he means the Merriam-Webster and pork industry definition of sausage or some 4 year-old definition of sausage, which could actually be "red brick house." But it turns out he means the sausage we eat.

I'm at a loss, so I say, "No. Do you live in a taco?" And he gives this incredulous look like I just asked the dumbest question ever and says without the hint of a smile. "No. We eat tacos. I live in a house." I wanted to say, "No doy you hypocrite. Why don't you shut up and go make me a house made out of sausage." But I refrained and got on with the lesson plan. Even so, and even if it is with someone 27 younger than I am, this stands as the strangest conversations I've ever had. I am still looking for the context.


Last September and October, another kid used to ask me at least five times a session, "You go to monster cave?" I wanted to say, "What the hell are you talking about?" but told him time and time again, "No, I don't go to the monster cave. Do you?" But he kept asking, so there had to be a context. Then on Halloween Eve, I was driving home on Shepard Road for the 40th time since Labor Day. I therefore drove past the "Spooky World Haunted House" for the 40th time and BINGO, it hit me, that was the monster cave. Context found.

But do I live in a sausage? I don't think I'll find that context to that question on the roadside of Shepard Road.

The Actor with a Curl

What actor or actress has been in the widest range of great to awful movies?

I posed this question to some friend who were over for dinner Thursday night (specifically, the world's laziest blogger L-Dawg and her husband). And since then I haven't been able to stop thinking of nominations.

I was never satisfied with my original nominations, which included:

Dustin Hoffman (but he was in only one truly horrible movie, Ishtar)
John Candy (no disrespect for the dead, here)
Tommy Lee Jones (was anyone else besides me subjected to Volcano?
Bruce Willis (punished for Armageddon and Last Man Standing).
Mel Gibson (Conspiracy Theory GOOD, The Patriot BAD).
Chevy Chase (Fletch vs. Fletch Lives and Vacation vs. all the other Vacation movies).

The problem with this list is it involves actors who are tied to either an action or comedy drama (Dustin Hoffman being the exception). So I asked the question on Saturday when I was going for a long run with some friends of mine from MDRA. And one of my friends said right away, Nicholas Cage. And I can't think of a better nomination.





From the comic and visual masterpiece Raising Arizona to the shit-fest that was Con-Air and all the movies in between, Nicholas Cage has done it all. Not just from great to terrible, but from drama to action to comedy. Click here to see for yourself. When it comes to versatility in being in great and shitty movies and all the shades of grey in between, the Lifetime Achievement Oscar Award goes to Nicholas Cage. Well done Nick!


And I know what many of you are thinking. What about the ladies? To be honest I can't think of any that match the men's ability to be in shitty and great movies. Maybe ladies are just a lot more consistent with their decisions. Are there any other actresses or actors that also deserve mention (or that can unseat Nicholas Cage)?

God Bless Texas (please)

And may the Lord have mercy on her soul.

"When there's something strange, in the rotunda, who you gonna call....."
QUORUM BUSTERS!!!!





Tom DeLay and those SOB Republicans are trying to gerrymander Texas into pizza pie again. I have no idea how this will play in the national media, but I am outraged at what is happening in the Texas senate. It is embrassing for the state, but more importantly, it has got to be embarassing for Republicans. I know in my heart that if the Dems were pulling a redistricting stunt like this, I'd be very embarassed. In the meantime, it is fascinating to see this unfold. I think democracy and the constitution will once again collide in the courts.

Molly Ivins wrote an excellent piece about the whole sitaution that appeared in today's Minneapolis Star-Tribune but I haven't found it posted anywhere else yet. I will post a link to her column when it becomes available. The gist of it is that what is happening in Texas is basically a 5th grade playground bullying battle. And the Dems are actually entitled to whine "NO FAIR!!!" in this instance.

For instant gratification, check out Mark Fiore's animated rant against Tom DeLay by clicking here. Speaking of DeLay, he needs a nickname. Why does the Sugarland Shithead always come to mind?

Minnesota politics are shifting and changing. But even when the state had an ex-professional wrestler for a governor, it had a long way to go before it caught up to the zaniness that goes on Texas. First the Ardmore 51 and now the Texas 11. Yet somehow California gets all the press as the Land of Crazy Politics.

Putting a Face on 3,000,000 People

The One Man March

There was a surprising headline ( and subsequent story) in the St. Paul Pioneer Press today: State Could Go to Bush in '04. The second paragraph of the story reads as follows: A new analysis by a prominent political scientist suggests that of all the states that voted for Al Gore in 2000, Minnesota is the most likely to go for Bush next year.

Fair enough. Whether or not one group's analysis (no matter how prominent) for an election that is more than a year away deserves to be on the front page deserves a blog of its own. But I will say two things:

1. This story's headline was above-the-fold and above the story President Keeps Lid on Parts of 9/11 Study. This second story was below-the-fold. The Pioneer-Press endorsed Bush in 2000. Connect those dots however you want to. In all fairness the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (which endorsed Gore in 2000) ran this story 4th from the top on its webpage (the Pioneer-Press ran it 3rd from the top). I did not see a copy of today's Star-Tribune, so I don't where the story was layout-wise.

2. The fact that this story is above-the-fold news speaks volumes about the way journalists gets sucked into covering national current events as a political horse race.

Okay, moving on. Today two parts of Bush's economic team (Treasury Secretary John Snow and Commerce Secretary Don Evans) were in town to pump up the "economic stimulus program" they are so proud of. It has received the appropriate amount of play from the news outlets here. But what hasn't received any coverage is John and his website JobforJohn.com. It's a great site. John just lost his job and is now following Snow and Evans on their tour of the Midwest, trying to talk to them and show anybody who is paying attention the reality of the economy.

Image from JobforJohn.com

It's too bad this guy isn't getting more press. I would have e-mailed his story to MPR and all the local TV and newspaper outlets, but I didn't find out about his site until today. In fact, I found it posted on another web forum. Mark Fiore, who has some of the best animated cartoons on the web also has an outstanding web forum, which posted JobforJohn.com.

Anyway, check-out JobforJohn.com. You'll be glad you did. I hope the guy gets a job. But in the meantime, he's doing a great job putting a face on the Bush tax cuts and economy. Too bad so few people are seeing it. The exchange he has with Snow at the end is particularly well-written; so read all the way to the end!

It's Not Trash and It's Not Art

I love, and am becoming obsessed with what the homepage for Found Magazine has to offer. Go check it out!

I don't know if we're all guilty of this, but I have always been fascinated by anonymous scraps of paper (notes and drawings) and photos I come across in my daily life. I regularly scan the ATM statements that lie cluttered around the machine, from the people that used the ATM before I did. I know, they're just slips of the paper and I'll never see the lives or people attached to these account balances. But I'm always a little giddy when a read an account balance of $8,803.34 (why would anyone have that much money in their checking account?) or when I find one that says $1.54 (I know how that feels).

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. It feels like striking gold when I come across a grocery list or to-do list left behind on the bus, parking lot, or street. In college a group of us even found a love letter in the parking lot of the grocery store! Once some pictures of some guys hanging out on their porch, drinking Coors, fell out of a book I was pricing when I worked at a used college text book store.

And now there is a magazine solely devoted to this pursuit! It's funny: at work, when I'm cleaning up the waiting room at the end of the day, I'll come across all sorts of to-do and grocery lists left behind by families. But that's just garbage as far as I'm concerned. I know the author of the list and that somehow removes the magic of the find. There's no gold in the mundane details of the lives of people we know (although the spicier dirt is always interesting).

The fun part in boring to slightly odd details is when there is no context or person behind these facts. Then your imagination gets to build your own person and history behind the list. It's fun to imagine all the different possibilities why someone went to the grocery store to buy "Soft Batch cookies, toy soldiers, razors, and three gallons of ketchup" (I made that list up, by the way).

Anyway, take a look at Found Magazine. It can be guiltlessly addictive, I think, because each found item is a short story in and of itself just waiting to be written (by a more creative and skilled writer than I am). I think it's a great concept. You can even send them your own finds.

By the way, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (Strib) ran a story about Found Magazune today. The problem is to access their stories, you have to register your e-mail and pertinent information with them. What a pain! If you still want to jump through the Strib's on-line hoops (or already have), click here to access the story.

Red Storm Rising

Today at work my 10 a.m. appointment hadn't arrived on time. The kid I was waiting for is named John, and is mildly obsessed with what I eat for breakfast. So I took advantage of the extra five minutes by filling my water bottle up at the water fountain.

As I'm filling up I hear John and his family coming up the stairs, which are right behind the water fountain. So I turn around to tell say hi to John, his sisters, and babysitter, when all of a sudden his oldest sister decides now is as good a time as any to start throwing up massively. I don't know why it didn't occur to her (or all the other eight year olds in the world) to maybe plan ahead and try to barf outside, ten seconds before she came in. She had to know she wasn't feeling to well. But she risked it, I guess, and hoped the sickness would pass.

She gambled and lost.

I don't know if John is as obsessed with what his sister eats for breakfast as he is with my dining habits. But it's safe to say he didn't have to ask her what she ate for breakfast today. He got to see for himself.

Raspberries. Bright red raspberries. And now there was bright red raspberry vomit all over the steps, walls, and first floor of our office building. Again, and I cannot emphasize this enough: a little foresight from Barfing Sister would have made a lot of people's life a lot easier. So while John and I played Go Fish in my office for half an hour, his babysitter had to mop up raspberry puke. I never knew I'd view playing Go Fish for 23904238th time in my life as a godsend.

Anyway, as Raspberry Shortcake was unloading her breakfast, I really could only think, "Damn that's a lot of red." Beyond the splotches of red, I couldn't process much else. We're talking buckets of red, here, enough to overflow a washing machine.



Many summers ago I went to a Red Sox game and sat in the Fenway bleachers. Beers were enjoyed, so I made my requisite trip to the bathroom in the 6th inning. As I was minding my own business, despite peeing with 30 other crazed Red Sox fans, my peeing neighbor decided to welcome me to the urinal neighborhood. He slapped me on the back and said, "Shiiiiiiiit! How is it that 32 ounces of beer can always make 32 gallons of piss?" When I suggested that perhaps he, like me, had just a bit more than 32 ounces of beer to drink, he said something like "Fuckin' A you got that right!" and put his hand up for a high five, mid-urination. So I took him up on his high-five offer, and felt pretty embrassed afterwards. But you know what alchohol does to people's high five inhibitions; I guess I'm kind of a high-five whore that way.

But I digress. My point is I am reminded of that exchange when I think of this morning's events. How can 32 raspberries lead to a laundry-load of barf?

Da Bears

As I mentioned in the previous post, one of the greatest parts of our honeymoon was the trip to Sand Island. What I didn't mention is that one of the other Apostle Islands we were considering visiting was deemed off-limits due to an infestation of those pesky black bears.

I just assumed that these bears got to these islands by walking across the lake when it was frozen. But it turns out that black bears are really good swimmers.

It just so happens that awhile back a friend of mine (who prefers to remain anonymous, but let's just say we have a first and middle name in common) also visited Bayfield and the Apostle Islands. He also figured that the bears walked across the ice to get the islands. When my friend ("Mike D") asked the park ranger if this was indeed the case, she looked at him like he was an idiot. She treated him like he had just asked her the dumbest question ever. Well, better him than me, because I would have asked the same question!

So the challenege for all you Encyclopedia Browns out there is this: why is "Mike D's" question so ludicrous and the waste of a park ranger's time?

And in the meantime, how about those swimming bears!

Back to the Real World

and all of its humidity. Emily and I had a great time on Madeline Island, for four nights, and then in Bayfield for two.


While on Madeline Island we were in a sort of news and time vaccuum, which was great. We stayed in a private lodge (pictured below) at the Woods Manor, complete with a deck, a porch, and a bear skin on the wall.

Oh yeah, and we also had our own personal hot tub. The cool thing about the hot tub is it was supplied with well water (which happened to smell like sulphur) and the hot water heater in our cabin was good for maybe five minutes of hot water. So after filling up the tub for the requisite twenty minutes, we were left with a tub full of ice cold water that smelled like rotten eggs. Real fucking romatic. Needless to say, save for the five seconds when I dipped my foot in the water and said, "This sucks," the hot tub did not get any use.

But we did have a great time at the Woods Manor and on Madeline Island. I read three books, played a lot of tennis, and of course explored the area. Time really stands still there. Everyone rides bikes or walks everywhere and there isn't even the scent of newsprint, let alone a TV on the island.

But the highlight for me was when we took a boat to Sand Island. The shoreline was beautiful and the lighthouse and all of its history was all an added bonus.




Our honeymoon is also very historic in that it is likely the first honeymoon where the newlyweds slept in separate beds. For the last two nights, while we were in Bayfield (we stayed at The Bayfield Inn), we had a room with two double beds. Seeing as how Emily and I aren't exactly midgets, we knew we wouldn't be comforatable enough to sleep in the same bed. Also, cable TV is a novelty to us, and we hadn't seen or heard any news in days, so I was glued to CNN and SportsCenter (Emily preferred the shows Trading Spaces and some make-over show).

So there we were, on our honeymoon, self-sequestered in separate beds watching the news. It was pretty funny, but I don't know how romantic it was. I consider it practice for when we're a couple of blue hairs. Even so, we loved the Bayfield Inn, with its deck restaurant and views of Lake Superior. And we also liked that we didn't smell like sulphur after taking a shower.


Anyway, this is a sort-of overview of our trip. I'll add more details as time goes on. Now I'm off to help clean up the mess we left behind in the wake of the wedding and all of its awesome gifts. It looks like a tornado of Crate and Barrel boxes hit our house while we were gone. There's certainly worse problems to have.

Gone Fishin'

Wow. I cannot tell you how happy I am right now! Emily and I had a great time at our wedding and can only hope others did as well. So many things went on behind the scenes and there so many people to thanks, starting with our families.

So now our blogs will be taking a week off as Emily and I head for our two-stage honeymoon (we'll be on an island in Lake Superior for a four days and at the cottage for the rest).

I cannot tell you how great it is to be Mike right now. I hope everyone who was a part of our wedding was happy. And if I could change anything out of my control it would be that guys like Zandypants, Julie, Matt the Hatt, and his new wife could have been there. We'll have to send you guys pictures.

MIKE AND EM 4ever!!!!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!

I Am Getting Fucking Married

I really wish I had something profound to say, since in a few days I will be married to (duh) Emily. I'm obviously wicked excited and can't wait to be officially spending the rest of my life with her.

For me, this is as close as I'll come to walking in the moon. How am I supposed to capture all of my excitement and thoughts, and the work and planning we (mostly Emily) have done in one blog. All I can say is

Ohmyfuckinggod how cool is this?!?!?!?!

It's all so overwhelming, in a great way, especially with all the family and friends coming in to visit.





All I can think of is the headline from The Onion's Our Dumb Century, for when man first walked on the moon. Click here to see the full page. And then imagine me in a tuxedo in front of Emily, instead of Neil Armstrong on the moon. And then replace the word "on the moon" with "marrying Emily," and that's exactly how I feel.

Holymotheroffuckinggod this rox!!!!!

Proud to be an American

Happy Birthday USA, you old windbag!!!! It's been so easy to rip on this country for its behaviors over the past two years, okay two hundred years. Sometimes I feel like the two grumpy old guys from the Muppet Show, Statler and Waldorf, the way I criticize the way things are going, from the sidelines, and not getting more involved to make change.


Sure we've done some shitty things in the past (slavery and genocide come to mind) and King George II's policy of bullying and globalization is emabrassing and scary. But as far as empire and world powers go, we traditionally have acutally been a pretty responsible world leader, relative to the likes of Rome, Spain, and England. And best of all, we get to speak out.

And I guess that's one of my favorite about being an American: the right to dissent, protest, vote, and write in an effort to create change, all within the confines of the law. I guess I should take advantage of this luxury more.

And of course, let's not forget all the wealth we have here. As much as the liberal elite (and I am one of them, I assume) bitch about this country, the fact is this is by far the world's wealthiest nation. And no matter how liberal and enlightened you are, you probably take for granted the wealth you enjoy on a daily basis (I know I do). When I was living off of a cook's wages in rural Iowa, I was still probably one of the wealthiest people in the world.

Wealth aside, though, I LOVE the freedom of press in this country. This doesn't mean I accept Michael Powell's and the FCC's actions over the past year or the Republican dominance in the media. It means I don't take for granted the letters to the editor I can freely write or the annual check I give to Minnesota Public Radio. I can also go and visit all the websites I list as links in Blognation.

Speaking of MPR, Midday is by far and away my favorite show. If I could meet one person in journalism, it would the host Garry Eichten. I'd love to take him to Dulano's for a beer or three, get a little tipsy with him, and shoot the shit for an evening.

But I digress (as per usual). The topic of today's Midday was "What it means to be an American." It was neat to hear the perspective of recent immigrants who called in. And (as per usual) I realized what being an American means to me well after the show was over (maybe next year I can call in). So instead of telling Garry and his cult following, I will have to tell you.

To me, being an American is being a citizen. Take advantage of our freedom and wealth. It's so easy to sit on the left and act like Statler and Waldorf, and verbally crap on this country. But what does that accomplish? It's easy to hate this country for its McDonaldsization and foregin policy ( sorry Don--despite what you think, we are in a quagmire). But what is great about our country is, collectively, we have the tools for change. All we need is the motivation.

I think every year I will make a July 4th Resolution--a Citizen Resolution. What does it take to be a citizen? Live the platitude: "Think Globally. Act Locally." Get in touch with not only current events, but this nation's past. See the good and the bad we have done--and all the grey nuances in between. Don't just vote. Get behind the candidate you are going to vote for. These are all things I need to either do more of, or start doing. I'm not sure what my Inaugural Citizen's Resolution will be yet, but I'll have an answer before the weekend is over.

At work, one of my cornerstones of therapy when working with adult stutterers is to quit dwelling on the negative. In short, quit bitching and start acting. Maybe it's time I did the same as a citizen.

Happy Birthday everybody!!!!!!!

Home Improvements

I finally fixed my link to Emily's Reuben Sandwich blog, so you can access it from my site now (on the left, under Blognation). I also added some more links. The top half are blogs or websites of friends. Well, with one exception, I don't know the author of the World's Dullest Blog, ( Matt the Hatt sent me the link), but why does an abridged James Joyce come to mind? The home half of the links are websites I recommend. I really enjoy the Mark Fiore cartoons, but beware, they are very addicitve. More links to follow.

Cooking Microwave Popcorn in a Campfire

There is a Bloggod, and she is vengeful. I talk shit about the weather and BLAM! twelve hours later a lightning bolt takes out our cable for the cable modem. I brag about my immune system and ZAP! I'm sick for an entire week. So no more predictions, lest I bring the wrath of the Bloggod.

So now it's back to the olden days: blogging and surfing with a dial-up modem, heating up left-overs on the stove, Betamax movies, using a pay phone, beating a woman over the head with my club and dragging her into my cave...

I found at least one story worth checking out, even if these pages took 2340234 seconds to load. Salon.com has a pretty interesting article about Howard Dean and the success he's had with blogging and the internet in general. It was a little distressing to see that jackass Joe Liberman leading the Dems field and Dean only getting 6%, but it's early and I'm hopeful. I think once people hear Dean speak they'll be taken by him. He is Mr. Soundbite.

A friend of mine once said the way the common man and the left will take this country back is through the internet. if Dean gives the Kerrys and Liebermans a run for their money, it may happen sooner than we think!

Also check out Sr. Gabe Chavez' most recent blog. He has some great pictures in his post, along with a great story. It's all just so, uh, great.

Well that's it for now. Happy 4th everybody! I got my 1st paycheck today since Bush's tax cuts went through. My take home pay went up $10.00!!! Thanks King George II! I love seeing that gizanillion dollar tax cut trickle down to me $10 at a time! USA! USA! USA!